Pick your path to Wiki Adventure!

I. Broke Down on the Road to Infictive

In the summit of a unbearably hot summer things just keep getting fucked up. On your way home from work yesterday your car sputtered and ran out of gas. You coasted off the road and your car joined the ever growing line of abandoned vehicles. People could no longer afford the fifteen dollar a gallon prices. It seems the choices are slim now. You can no longer afford to drive and eat. Hell , even if you didn't eat you still couldn't afford to drive. So...

1. If you walk to work
2. If you attempt to join Oil for the Loyal
3. If you hitch-hike
4. If you call in sick instead
5. If you seek shelter from the heat in a nearby store
6. If you call the cops for help
7. If you take up a life of stealing and hustling to pay for your gas
8. If you just wait in your car for the gas fairy to show up
9. If you go to the first house you see and just take the place over for yourself
10. If you pray to Jesus to save this sad sad world
11. If you kick and otherwise damage your car in a rage
12. If you stand beside the road with a will work for gas sign
13. If you Rage against the machine
14. If you sit like Buddha in the center of the road
15. If you head over to the library to start a website called My penis.com
16. If you attempt to invent a different fuel supply
17. If you walk to the west side of the forest
18. If you get that tuna fish and cult spread sandwich out of your cooler and eat it
19. You live in a co-op
20. If you hang out in your starved car and play Kyle Deerbone CD's until your battery dies
21. If you desire a glimpse of a blue light special future
22. If you attempt in invoke the meth Demon
23. If you befriend the dollar bills
24. If you attempt to create a new flavour of Bottles of Food
25. If you join The Leaf of the Mason, a branch of the SOSM
26. If you begin doing research on the Great Alarm
27. If you get involved with the Uglavarian activist movement Bulbs Not Bombs
28. If the nesting and mating instinct takes over
29. If you go to the library and sign on as a member of frequency 23
30. If you give up all your material possessions to study Dildo Mask battle meta-martial arts

II. Later Days in Infictive

1. A government agent e-mails your site
2. If you are placed on a pirate ship
3. If you transported to ancient rome
4. You win a Strayhound bus ride to Bubbling Vomit Land
5. If you get a job at the airport and clean up your drug use
6. When you realize you can't smoke weed in Uglavaria you decide to retire to Lake Crump.
7. A hick up in the reality mainframe makes you a Mollkin
8. If you go to the local arcade and bet the rest of your life savings
9. Move to Santa Magic Village to start a band
10. You go into hiding in Ketjack
11. You work for Brenico
12. You are hired on a rich persons yaught trip as a gopher
13. If you are thrown into a massive zombie outbreak
14. If you use your free billiard skills that your dad paid for
15. Wik your Path to adventure
16. You are the Soda Man
17. If you are a Questing Knight
18. A long prison term for you
19. Theres no place like...home
20. You become a martial arts knight, a member of The Cougar's Paw
21. You tremble in a bloody hell
22. If you construct your own boat to get in Uglavaria in
23. Are they...Dead?
24. You try out stand up comedy
25. If you are now Andrew McFing
26. Its lunch time in your new reality
27. You become a painter
28. If you start disguising yourself as a mall security person
29. If you get with the local Italian mafia
30. If you go to the downstairs "Forbidden Books" section

III. The Short and Special Paths

1. You get into movies
2. You work in a manufacturing factory outside a colonial city 5 hours a day
3. New reincarnation
4. If you drive over to the nearby church
5. If the gas fairy sends you into a porno world
6. If you get with your buddy and start out selling just enough weed
7. You start a group called the Sisterhood of Man
8. Form a hate group for the love of Jesus
9. If you do experiments on animals for kicks
10. If you are biten by a werewolf
11. You shoot a movie
12. There is a zombie outbreak in our city
13. You are in the band Red Mullet Traid
14. You are Fexton Huffle
15. If you are on the shores of the newest American state, Washington A C.
16. You and Pickman quit Miskatonic university and go back to Santa Magic Village to join they're government funded Orchestra
17. Maggie ends up in a womens prison
18. More of that Preformance art O K?
19. If you go to the Viking Faire restaurant
20. From here the world becomes just sounds to you
21. You are a wandering drifter
22. You flux in reality traps you in Mystery X's dreamscape
23. If you end up in a ecological disaster
24. You now are a insane killer
25. Here's your new world
26. Its lunch time in your new reality
27. If you end up on a dinosaur planet
28. If you are on the shores of the newest American state, Washington A C.
29. So you never really make it to Wonderland
30. An American Civil war

IV. The Über Short and Obscure Paths

1. You become a police man
2. You become a writer
3. Prison Break
4. You are only avant garde composer in Washington A C
5. You find out about the A C Mafia
6. Lots of U F O sightings lately
7. Dead hands pound the door
8. You come back as Pony Rose
9. Take all your drugs and cross on over
10. If you become,a actor
11. If you jab the bouncer in the throat
12. So you never really make it to Wonderland
13. Pick a fight with an audience member, kill the person, and show everyone who's the boss
14. But then to make matters worse you reincarnate into a same time span life in bubbling Vomit Land
15. If you are in a alternative world's version of WW2
16. You give the ticket away at work
17. You change your name and start working on a broadway musical
18. You become a boxer
19. You form a heavy avant garde group
20. If you are now a sword wielding barbarian from a fantasy world
21. If you continue stealing
22. You get a job at the cryogenics lab
23. You are one of those Catholic boys
24. You are a driver in a Destruction Derby!
25. You are told not to ask for any more gigs
26. You start shooting movies for the drive in crowd
27. If you keep on talking to the penguin
28. You join the Harney County Orchestra
29. You try to hitchike home
30. Move to Harney County to be a musical number there

V. The Musical Paths

1. You end up playing guitar in the punk band VomitBot
2. Start up a new band then vowing to be cooler and vaster then the circle
3. You are only avant garde composer in Washington A C
4. You have a band
5. You come back as Pony Rose
6. You and Pickman quit Miskatonic university and go back to Santa Magic Village to join they're government funded Orchestra
7. Take all your drugs and cross on over
8. You buy a sax and start your own mutant jazz band
9. If you are transformed into a rock star of a alternative world
10. If you get into music
11. You go back home to form a band named The Sirens of Salt
12. If you attempt to join the band Black Circle
13. If you are on the shores of the newest American state, Washington A C.
14. You try to join the Engine Revvers
15. You meet this guy who could be your twin, and he plays keyboards!
16. So you never really make it to Wonderland
17. But then to make matters worse you reincarnate into a same time span life in bubbling Vomit Land
18. For you are Reino Nikola, yes the Reino Nikola
19. If you and Mcfing start a band
20. If you attack the police in a suicidal fury
21. If you give up on your research out of fear and move to infictive country to join a band
22. But your band breaks up
23. You join the Mackabee 6, a McFing6 cover band
24. You meet some travaling Musicians and you join their band
25. You are in the band Ignatz Wanders
26. You depart rapidly to start a stage show in a far off county
27. You form a band out of Verigone rejects
28. You are a musician
29. You form a band to pass time
30. So you never really make it to Wonderland

VI. Son of the Über Obscure Paths

1. You get a job as a lab assistant
2. First you encounter a MaMooska
3. You join the underground band FUCK
4. If you wish to become a Master of Bowlbetterology
5. If you are now a character in a H. P. Lovecraft book
6. If you end up in the land of the Lost!
7. Join the prison satan rock band Shaven Hoof
8. If you inheret money from your rich uncle
9. If you are transformed into a rock star of a alternative world
10. You spend every penny you made financing a mutant jazz outfit
11. If you start up an internet book store
12. Theres a zombie outbreak in Infictive County
13. You go to the old cabin your uncle owned
14. If you are sent to the far future
15. If you watch the TV between naps
16. If it's a alternatie reality version of REM Faire
17. The Reino Nikola Orchestra is formed
18. If you now gain mutant super powers in a comic bookish alternative reality
19. Big Brother is Watching You
20. If you become the Super Hero MegaYou
21. If you end up being the boss of a casino
22. You go on a space mission
23. If you encounter Bigfoot
24. Go to training to learn two words: Mui-Thai
25. You depart rapidly to start a stage show in a far off county
26. A insane killer stalks Alfredo Valley
27. Its a Holiday on the other side
28. You go on as a gonzo journalist
29. You head out to the mexican badlands searching for treasure
30. You go to Uglavaria

VII. The other last chart ever of paths

1. Endless Rooms
2. Next life one
3. The End
4. Infictive County in Prehistoric times
5. Next life two
6. He End
7. You get selected to be on a Maximum reality show
8. Nd
9. You take a hit of Mad 3
10. If you study to be a doctor with the OFTL money
11. He E
12. E End
13. End
14. Your Hollerin' Jack Johnson
15. The
16. He En
17. Next life three
18. If you are transported to the old west
19. Th
20. E En
21. The En
22. E E
23. The E
24. You are a quack, a total kook
25. You enlist in the anti squirrel termination team
26. HE EnD
27. Now its time for your court hearing sucka
28. THe EnD
29. He
30. En

VII. The next last chart ever of paths

1. ThE EnD
2. E end
3. You take up drinking as your occupation
4. You attend a Catholic Mass
5. THE end
6. You go to Unruh Manor
7. E
8. War of the holiday cults
9. TheEnd
10. Become involved with a cult
11. You begin to learn about the New World Order
12. The end
13. He end
14. TheEn
15. Your Tom Biscuit
16. The ENd
17. You wake up in your next life
18. Blast off
19. You have been a student at Fnordham University for three months now
20. You black out
21. You leave the secular life behind for thirty years of devotion to harsh Ordeals in the sewers, becoming one with the waste and disease of civilization
22. End The
23. Narrative
24. You start to come down
25. You quit your job to sack grocerys at wallmart
26. So you try to go cooler vaster
27. Start a noise band because that's all that is left for you
28. The Ehd
29. The End.
30. You wake up early Sunday

Way beyond the last and final chart

1. ThE End
2. Hole up in creepy town till this all settles down
3. Deep in the forest you are now. Just you and a half crazy shaman
4. Th.e End.
5. \the End
6. Invite the nun to meet you in the Men's room, third stall
7. Th.e End.
8. THe END
9. Return to the Cave
10. None of the above
11. [[Then things get better]]
12. You are a Crunk Master

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Post Notes

This is a online version of a Pick Your Path to Adventure book. It is here for kicks, or to educate, or to provoke terror, or some reason like that. Infictive recommends that you follow one of the above paths till the path ends each day as a sort of a western Zen exorcise.

Equipment: Time, will, and a nice six-sided die (and maybe a thirty-sided die as well). There's a Dice Machine kicking around if you need one (or maybe a 1-30 random generator if more your thing). Heck, just use your mind to randomize, or carefully pick the places the story unfolds into.

⤓

See you on the path!