They had already arranged to pay your family forty five thousand dollars when you die. But you didn't die, so no one gets payed, those mother fuckers! You feel tore up about the whole thing. Not even getting a reward for this helps bring all that guilt and shame to the surface. About the only time you are not crying and wanting to die is when you are drunk and or high. Thing is, you are pretty broke, you cannot afford to numb yourself emotions all the time. You don't have any cool friends, so getting dope is also a big problem. They last time you tried, you gave this Mexican fifty bucks for some cocaine. The man then went into a house and never returned. When you knocked at the door no one answered. You could see by looking in the windows no one lives here, and the back door is hanging open.