Eat your hampster

Jesus Christ. You love the little fucker, but you try to do it quickly. Using a dirty glass from the nightstand, you take careful aim at his skull, but botch the job for sure. The kill stroke is anything but, and the poor creature squeals as his left eye is jellied by your cruel trespass upon his tiny face. As his squeals become ever softer in pathetic, darkling supplication, he looks at you in horror through his remaining eye.

You sigh and finish him, making one hell of a mess.

Why'd you do it, man.

The first thing to do, you reason to yourself, is to burn off all his hair. Luckily, you have a lighter. Normally the smell would be sickening, but in your advanced stage of hunger and necessity, you actually begin to salivate.

1. Burn your thumb
2. Roast him for five minutes over a candle
3. Roast him for ten minutes over a candle
4. Eat it semi-raw once all the hair is singed away