Life's burden is getting to you. You decide to outsource 50% of your workload in all things to illegal labor that you can pay cheap wages under the table. 50% is the number you systemically and scientifically arrived at after careful scrutiny and deduction. You start by paying someone half of your hourly wage for each hour they work, totaling about half of your shifts every week. This goes smoothly somehow, although it does appear your performance declines due to his poor English speaking ability. Next you decide you need to have about half as many errands and follow suite. Again you win. Lastly, you realize you haven't been all that great of a person and begin to seek outsourcing volunteer work on your behalf to rack up the good Karma. When you die the blissdom is supreme as you drink from the Nirvana that is Gopi's Chalice of Infinite Crunktitude. You won.