So eating your new greasy fatty grey and oily friend is off the table. You let the tumor know. Now fast friends you two go out drinking wilding in fact. The tumor knows know restraints once you get a few pints down. Although it cannot move it can laugh and scream insulting come ons to the fat ass whores at the bar, it can insist you drive home when your so drunk you sometimes have to pull over into a strip mall and sleep in the back seat. At least it warns you to pull your car keys unless the cops fuck with the two of you. It really fucking hates cops. One icy morning when the bars close you lose control and the car spins into a the back of a police car at a stop light. The officer has bad whip lash, but the other officer in the side seat works you over with a flash light,totally in site of drivers by. He beats you nearly to death and YouTube videos of it goes viral within a week. The cops drop all charges, but you are on your own without your precious tumor. You last saw it shortly after the flashlight starting splitting your face open.
You overhear someone talking about how the cop who beat you was found dead with a large toumer in his ass. You realize that the toumer had crawled inside the police man and killed him. You miss him but you actually feel so much better. He did hurt a little bit even if he was one of the best friends you ever had. You sort of hope he comes back but you also sorta hopes he just finds his way in the world.