The Lost works of Andrew McFing
Blamed
Wallace Pumpkin was just walking down the street with his headphones on. He was listening to a blues/folk song he had written himself recorded on a nearly ruined 4 track tape recorder. Little did he know just how thick the shit was going to get, or how he would kill a man before the day was out. It was hot and sunny today, his milk pale skin shining in the light, blinding on coming traffic. A few hecklers rolled down their windows and made whitey comments. His finger did all the back talking for him. For you see that do to my paleness I have always been assiscated with mighty whitey, like I represent all the bad and racist things that white people have ever done in the past. There for it's o k to abuse me, because I am the prime example of all thats wrong with the white race..
The end of man?
Spring time 2008. A man drives down an abandoned city weaving the car around debris on the road. A full automatic rifle on the seat beside him. He turns on his fancy mp3 cd changer stereo. Ten hours per disc, two hundred discs inside. It was on random, a classical music symphony started, he didn't know who the composer was, he glanced down at the display and read Verdi. The man, named Jason Klaouzo, is, as far as he knows the last living true man in the world. Three loaded clips lay on the floorboard, along with a flask of whiskey and a bottle of pills for emergency's.The city feels oppressive and eerie in it's silence, only the sound of his car ripping down the streets. The Verdi song ends and De La Soul starts up.The man watches the windows of the buildings as he drives, looking for signs of life. He catches a black outline of someone on the third story of a hotel and he slams the breaks as he lifts up his gun. He fires a spray of seven bullets, one of them rips through the window, but it looks like he missed his target. He throws the gun back down and takes off, not bothering to chase that one down just yet, they all will get theirs in good time. He drives on scanning the windows with intencifyed interest after having seen one of them. While gliding down the road at fifty miles an hour in the middle of the deserted city and looking up at some high windows for more signs of life, he didn't notice the turned over hot dog stand directly ahead. At the last second before smacking into it, he veered the wheel wildly and the sports car began doing fish tails till it jumped the curb and slammed into the wall of a building hard. He thumps off the windshield and slams back into his seat. "God fucking dammit!", he screams at the empty world. Steam and smoke curl around each other as they rise from the hood. He grabs his large mostly empty duffel bag and shoves the whiskey and pills into it. He straps the rifle accross his back and he steps out of the car. He pauses long enough to kick the car a couple of times before he walks off in search of a new ride. He left dozens of mp3 discs in the car, so he turned around and went back to gather them up into his now over full duffel.
He walks into Scarbunkle's used cars. The place has all it's glass windows broken out. Display models with gas in their tanks lay about, Jason selects a nice soft top convertible with light blue paint job. "Nice car, Scarbunkle, I'll give you a bladder full of urine for it, I'll even pay up front", Jason said as he peed into a brown convertible next to his car of choice. Then he noticed the leather dry three years dead body of what may well be Mr. Scarbunkle himself. The corpse was leaning against the wall, still at it's expensive desk. Jason picked up a rolling chair and hurled it into the corpse, it flew apart as the fine leather chair overturned. " I never did like car salesmen", Jason said. He then threw his gear inside and rammed his way out of the building. He checks his watch and hurry's along the littered streets to Crescent Billow's Movie theater. He went here a lot before the apocalypse and he still haunts it when in the area. He goes up to the projection room and he starts his favorite movie running, Whats up Tiger LIlly?, directed by Woody Allan. Jason said the lines with the characters to seventy percent of the movie, he was memorizing the whole thing, and often when alone back at his house he would recite lines from it aloud.
That bit of business taken care of, he put on the next film, a bit of montage of nude scenes from all the movies he could find and splice together. The results a forty seven minute flesh experience for him to drink whiskey and slowly masturbate to, completely nude in his favorite theater, the last man on earth. He was in the front row, he spurted a manly gob of semen into the carpet and he relaxed against the comfy seat setting his watch to beep awake him in fifteen minutes. He snoozed off. All too soon his watch chimed and he put his clothes back on and he headed out to his new car. He notices the sun is going down. "Oh fuck! It's almost dark! They will be awake soon!" , He crys in a panicked voice as he jumps into his topless car and speeds off. We notice that along with the automatic rifle, he has two handguns strapped to his hips. He tears through the city, slamming into various debris on the road till his car doesn't look so new anymore. He pulls up to his garage and he reaches for the remote control opener. He looks about apprehensively, but the only living thing to be seen or heard is the chirp of crickets, and the stirring of the trees in his yard. Darkness is on the city, stillness, darkness. Suddenly a mutant in a long black robe leaned over the rooftop pouring gasoline down into the open top of Jason's new car. From around the corner of the house another pale mutant in black robe and dark blues sunglasses popped hurdling his torch onto the car, it burst into flames. Jason floors the gas pedal and the flaming car lurches into the garage, but the mutant from above jumps into the back seat silently, teeth bared, blue veins pulsing. The white skinned freak begins to strange Jason, Jason drives the car into the wall. The mutants flips onto the hood and slides off, he is machine gunned down before he gets a chance to stand fully up. Two more rush in under the flaming garage door, one with an axe, the other with the jawbone of an ass. Jason sweeps the rifle with a spray that catches both mutants in the chests, they fall gurgling. "yeah, fuck you!", Jason cry's as he quickly changes out clips for the rifle. There is blood dripping off his otherwise clean neat garage walls. Next Jason jabs the garage door butten, and it closes as a flaming mutant runs out of the garage screaming a thin wail. Jason grabs a fire extinguisher and sprays his new car with it. He goes then to the caged in and multi-locked area where he keeps filled gas cans and a powerful generator. He switches it on and ultra-bright yard lights flush the outside scene with intense beams. Mutants put hands over they're eyes as they scurry off into the darkness. "Fuck you, you puke stained maggots" , Jason screams down at them through his loud speaker P A system. "Stupid bleach white bastards, you scurry away from the light like roaches!", He screamed into the P A, jarring the mutant's sensitive ears.
Jason unlocks the four locks that bar the elevator up to his living quarters, the elevator and the windows are the only ways in, he has sealed the doors with steal and cement, it would be easier to come in threw the walls than the doors. His home is decked out with all the finest things you can walk into any store and buy for free. He has the hugest wide screen t v ever. He has a thousand DVD's and five thousand compact discs ripped into mp3 format and burned onto CD roms. He has posh leather couch and matching chairs. He has remote control everything. He has a simple robot dog named spike, it obeys three commands, speak, sit, and fetch, as long as you attach the little flashing chip to whatever it is you want he to fetch. " Hey Spike! Hows my old time flea bag buddy?". Spike's microphone picks up Jason's voice and auto-responds with a happy bark and a excited pant. "Good boy Spike!", Jason pets his seven pound robot dog affectionately. The dog's sensors picked up the petting and it's tongue hung out and it's tail wagged as it played a sound sample of a dog panting. Jason sometimes likes to take the dog apart, see how it works, and try to modify it. He knows much about medicine and electronics, by now, he knows more about both then anyone else in the world does. He was working on making it into an attack dog, but the basic dog was so simple that he had years to go before finishing such a project, by then him or the enemy will surely already be dead. Still, he had pleasant visions of a mean robot with jagged sharp teeth, that would hunt them down twenty four hours a day chewing them to death. "How has your day been Spike?".
The dog barks, responding to it's name.
"That's good Spike! I'm glad your job is going so smoothly, and you oldest son is a straight a student".
"Bark Bark, Yap!" , The mech dog sounded in synthetic excitement.
"Yes, I agree , dog biscuits should be legalized buddy". Jason notices that the green low battery light has come on in the dog's eyes. He pulls open a drawer completely filled with d battery's and he sinks six fresh ones into the dog. The dog lights up again and it goes through a the series of commands Jason has taught it. "Feeling better?", Jason smiled down at his only friend. Outside the nightly chanting had started. Tonight they were chanting about the home of the last evil man and how he will be silenced forever and the world shall be free of his kind. Jason had a P A system rigged up with seventeen loudspeakers blaring from the roof top, he played Aphex Twin to drown them out. He liked to D J to the freaks. When the song faded out he spoke into the microphone and his voice rang out accros the nighted streets, " Mutants can't fuck, you are all slowly dyeing, no one will replace you, fade away mutant assfucks, fade away". A lucky thrown rock knocked one of the P A speakers down to the ground below with a jarring crash, but the other sixteen screamed on. Jason wrote down a note to get a new speaker in town in the afternoon. This routine was hell, they would keep him up all night and then in the morning and day he would be tired when there was chores he needed to do in order to stay alive. sometimes Jason would put on his noise canceling headphones and try to sleep off this sonic attack, but that leaves him vulnerable if they do manage to get in, or set the place on fire.
The sun slowly rises and the moaning half dead outside wander off to their roach nests to sleep away the bright hours. Finally Jason can grab a couple and a half hours of much needed sleep before starting another run into town for supply's and to hunt his sleeping enemy. He opened his garage door and observed the three of four dead and cannibalized bodies of foes fallin and eatin during the long night. Nasty, not a pleasant clean-up. Their own dead don't seem to bother these night-ghouls, they can just walk over them without flenching. And these mutant scum think that they are taking the moral high ground with all their anti technology bullshit, Jason vowed again to kill them all. Often when he went to bed he would visualize killing them, news and cruel ways of making them pay. About seven months back, he found the dead mutated body of a non mutant woman, looks like she may have been attractive before they ripped her up. That was the only non mutant human he has seen in over two years. He went on a kill binge after that, not sleeping for a couple of days, shooting forty five of them in a wild vengeance spree. He repeats his daily theme of searching for sleeping mutants to kill, and the gathering of supply's. He only looks for mutants for five hours today, finding none, he gives up early, goes home for a long nap. He wakes up after dark, another day done gone. Jason ends up playing with his mechanical dog for a couple of hour though, while drinking scotch on the rocks. He throws a ball, and the metal dog clicks off to retrieve it, panting happily, wagging it wire tail. At the end of this Jason is quite drunk.He talks to his dog with a drunken slur, obviously bombed. "Your a good boy, a good boy", he says looking at the silver beast with burning red eyes. He briefly breaks out into a fit of tears and then he regains control again.He strips his shirt off and pours another iced drink, looking kinda dazed drink has the thing finished before he has crossed the room. He opens the door to his balcony and he weaves an intoxicated stumble onto it to look at the mutants below. They are yelling and shouting, building a bonfire and throwing in books, dvds, and whatever else makes them think of the modern world and all it's sin. Mutants push wheelbarrows full of books and compact discs, looks like they are burning the library. "They are a bunch of fucked up bastards, trying to kill me and everything that remains of the old civilization before they rot and they themselves, quite a race", He informs his mech dog. The dog whines sympathetically.
"Jason, Jason, come out, come out", A croaking voice screams from the crowd outside. Jason screams and he hurls his whiskey glass accros the room, it shatters against the wall making the fake dog bark a few low retorts. He grabs the microphone that is broadcasted to the p a system outside and he screams "Fuck all your dead mothers, you shit-bitches!".
Below the mutants mill about burning books, magazines, paintings, video tapes that they have liberated from the library. Their leader is among the crowd gathered around the growing fire. A couple of his top officers address him.
"Four of us? Really? The man has murdered four of us?".
"Yes, O'brian, three with his evil gun, the other burned to death screaming".
"Why must man kill? Why why?", Laments the somewhat vile looking mutant leader. His face is spotted with ghastly sores, his eyes are hidden behind Roy Orbison style sun glasses. "Soon his time shall end, and we will all celebrate".
"Yes, but how many of us will he murder first?".
"Take faith, God wanted the old ways to end and the old ways have ended, all except this last one, this last challenge to the new world, yes, he shall bring him to justice, as we did all the others of his kind that we found after that evil war took it's toll on us".
"But how long will he keep up this slaughter of our brothers and sisters?".
"Until, we finally get him and end the dark age of man, with Jason dead, our curse will be lifted, no longer shall our people grow sick and die, and then, we can have beautiful children again, to repopulate the earth".
"Amen".
"Jason! Come out!".
"Fuck you and your so called people!", Jason screams down at them in righteous fury. Jason hurled a couple Molotov cocktails out the window, but they missed their targets and burned away slowly on the street below. Jason has tried tossing maybe things from his balcony window at the freaks below. He had been meaning to go to the library and research catapults and castle sieges to create more lethal weapons, but the bastards are burning the library books in a huge bonfire and the chant his name over and over again. Jason stumbled drunkenly to his gun rack and returned to the balcony with a deer rifle. Jason fired a couple of rounds at the nearest hooded form, but he was too far off and he wasted those couple of shots. The mutants had been stealing the bullets they find in stores and hiding them somewhere, Jason knows not where.
"O'brian, why not just let me slip up there with a handgun, it's a sin, but it's to kill sin".
"I say no!, if we use the dark technology, then we become as bad as him", O'brian screams.
"Hey it's sunday!", Jason tells his faithful robot dog, "I always dress for dinner on a sunday!".
"No brother, the last man will be gone soon enough, then we shall live rich and fat off the land like we did before technology limited everything and made us sick", O'brian tells his follower.
"Amen", says the follower, not looking entirely convinced. Now Jason is packing a plastic easter egg loaded with his own shit into a potato gun and aiming at the bonfire, it blasts into the flames exploding, the smell of his roasting shit fills the general area. The pale ones dashed away from the bonfire in disgust, Jason laughed to himself.
"Don't you like what you are?", Jason slurred the words drunkenly into the loud P A system, this was one of his black out nights, where he would not remember much of the events that had happened before he drank all the booze he could get down. He puked out the window balcony while the pasty white skinned mutants heckled him in their black robes. Jason screamed back at them, tears streaming from his eyes, all lost moments in his whiskey fogged memory. He ended up shooting seven rounds at them, missing all the shots, then he passed out cradling the gun like it was a woman. Some time in the night he pissed himself, soaking the crotch of his three hundred dollar, but now free blue jeans. In his troubled sleep, haunted by the taunts of mutants, Jason had a dream about how his society ended. After many semi successful military campaigns, Jason's America had bombed most of the world into submission, but this also caused great hatred in the war torn peoples, and terrorists got through with a new designer germ warfare that spread the wings of death from coast to coast, and from there to the rest of the world within eighty four hours. O'Brian was a football coach for a major team at the time, during the onslaught of the plague he became a guru to the few survivors, the pale mutants that now follow him and slowly rot. Somewhere around ninety four percent of all human beings died, and pretty much all the rest became slowly dieing mutants with severe photophobia that kept them underground till the sun went down. They're was many unmutated people at first, but they either slowly became mutants, or more likely, they were hunted down and killed by the albino mutants freaks on their holy mission to kill all remaining untainted human life. During the descent into chaos, Jason was a military medical scientist working on a cure as the U S population began to fall. He had been giving jfdi-42 to lab rats and it worked! So he contacted Washington D C and they sent him along on a helicopter to the white house to give to stuff to the Thrush administration. Sadly, his copter went down on the way when the driver passed out from the plague. Amid the flames and wreckage Jason crawled to the vaccine bag, he shot it into his arm, and he was protected from the plague , even as it had started to choke the life out of him, he vomited and choked a bit, then he got better. That illness has never touched him since that fatefull day. The copter and the medicine all burned that fateful day, and the world continued it's quick slide into darkness.
2
Slowly comes morning, the freaks all scurry off to the dark holes where they sleep and dream they're sick dying dreams. Jason is in a scuba diving outfit with a pimp hat. He is searching, always searching for their nest, to kill them all at once is possible. Today he has only found signs of their food searchings in a grocery store at 5050 West vermoth. Tricky little bastards, he filled up the floorboards of his car's back seat with various munchies, sodas, toilet paper, and other supply's. He try in a bunch of DVD's he hadn't seen yet to watch latter. This was the 14th. On the 14th of each month he stayed sober all day to prove to himself he didn't have a substance abuse problem.
A cat called Ingles
Ingles had his winter fat on, he now weighed eighty five pounds, a stocky dog sized cat he was. He would climb up trees and snap the branches off, falling to his feet. Ingles jumps a neighbor's fence to attack their puppy, he bats it around from claw to claw like a mouse. Finally when the puppy is too exhausted to move he eats a third of it's torso and moves on.
Other Lost Losts of McFing.