You survive off Medicare and Wellfare and HandoutsFare now. You are so ashamed you can't show your face in church. You don't answer your friends calls or knocks. You sell your old dog to the glue factory. Hand outs that burden some working family are keeping your alive. But you don't think you deserve to live. The weak are meant to die. Its God's will. You are going against Jesus and you cannot raise your head for shame. You literally cannot raise your head. You have held it down so long now that it would require surgery to be able to lift it back up again. Bad times.