A review of events for the second week of December 2012.
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Today is Monday, December 17, 2012, and here in Libreville, it certainly feels like Christmas, with one week remaining until the eve of the day. Hopefully all your plans have been made ready for the coming holidays, and, as ever, we appreciate your finding a moment to join us in our review of the week that was.
- The gangsters responsible for mass hijackings of transport trucks on inter-state highways -- which the tabloids have labelled "The Horrible Cookie Crisis" for the unusually high number of cookie shipments hit -- have been arrested in an FBI-led sting operation over the weekend, bringing to an end one of the worst spates of highway commercial theft in modern history. The alleged leader of the hijacking ring, Kurt Cipolla, a.k.a. Santa Clauss, was found poisoned, apparently a consequence of eating tainted cookies, and died en route to hospital. Bureau spokesman Hugh Hunsberger reported that all known accomplices in the criminal enterprise have been captured in the operation, and are being held in federal custody, the many charges including the murders of four drivers.
- Local activists have continued their occupation of an abandoned building on the southern outskirts of the city, defying calls by state authorities to vacate the condemned space. The activists, who have repurposed the site as a make-shift Christmas temple, have been widely supported in their cause by members of the community, and, thus far, there has been no attempted action to forcibly remove them. Despite the swell of local support, one state official, Stadt Bauinspektor, has called for the immediate evacuation and demolition of the temple, telling reporters "[the building] is a death-trap, having been repeatedly condemned for code violations", including asbestos contamination, and that the building had been "slated for demolition for months [...] and is only now being occupied by these extremists." Bauinspektor further denied allegations that he hates Christmas and children, insisting his position is purely an issue of public health and safety.
- The latest youth craze to be overblown by concerned parents and media is Spank16, the smokable caffeine crystal. Despite being barely more potent than conventional caffeine pills, the Concerned Parents Council of America have launched a petition of the federal government to prohibit the manufacture and distribution of the substance, calling it a "potential killer" and "a dangerous gateway drug". One cannot help but to wonder if they plan to call for a ban soft drinks and enforce age-restrictions on the purchase of coffee next. As always, share your thoughts in the comments.
Now for an all-new Bieber Fever Report:
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- Police have foiled a plot against Justin Bieber's life, and all his fans couldn't be more grateful to law enforcement for their services. The strange genesis of the murderous scheme began behind bars, as a slighted fan, presently incarcerated for the murder of a 15-year-old Vermont girl, commissioned a fellow inmate to carry out the assassination of Mr. Bieber and several others, requesting the killings be carried out by strangulation via paisley tie. The plot was unravelled by a combination of poor highway navigation and recorded prison telephone conversations, allowing authorities to put a full stop on the conspiracy against Mr. Bieber before it could be carried out.
- Rumors of a possible guest appearance by Mr. Bieber on the hit series "Loch Nessie" have been neither confirmed nor denied, but the gossip mill continues to churn. According to Libreville Reporter: "as the number one dramedy series on television in 2012, 'Loch Nessie' has played host to a range of top actors and talents, and it is certainly plausible that Mr. Bieber would be one of those invited."
So went the week In Infictive. Join us next week for an update that was almost entirely written in advance of the week it is all about. Call it a preliminary survey of our pre-cognitive prowess. Zam, zam, zam, ZAM.
Today's banner images were: George Hodans's "Santa Claus" (PD); and "Justin Bieber saluting".
