In Infictive - XLI
This week's edition of IN INFICTIVE is brought to you in part by AZTEC TRIP, the semi-bitter psychedelic soda. Feel the Morning Glory!
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Today is Monday, November 24, 2014, which, as you well know, is "Evolution Day", marking 155 years since the first publication of Charles Darwin's "On the Origin of Species", but did you know that today also marks 116 years since the International Conference of Rome for the Social Defense Against Anarchists? Eyes on you. This is your week that was:
- Another gangland slaying in the news has left some vocal members of the community demanding action to fix what they call "the environment of criminiality" in Libreville. When questioned, Mayor Argyris disputed the claim that Libreville had unusually high crime rates coupled with low case clearance, suggesting that the reporter "come back with more qualitative statistics, and less barroom napkins full of exaggeration." Prospective mayoral candidate Marianne Netto called it "a travesty that Libreville has some of the highest rates of unsolved crime in the country, and, perhaps, the world."
We asked Neato Harrison, local historian, for the big picture, and he told us that Libreville has always been "a little on the rowdy side", but denied that there was a problem, citing his own survey of historical trends showing that crime rates have remained fairly uniform since the inception of the city. "Oh, sure, there are some blow-ups, but that's just the spice that makes us a great town to live in," Harrison has concluded, and that's good enough for us. - Students and faculty need no reminding that Fnordham's servers remain offline today, the outage blamed on an automated upgrade failure and the necessity to replace a chip controller set in the mainframe. A spokesman for the university promised that all will be well and restored by the end of the working day.
- In local entertainment news, there is a mystery album on the horizon by a previously unknown, unsigned band, which would hardly be notable were it not for the fact the first single dropped is "Candy from There", featuring Justin Bieber. Who are the Cryponipples and how are they associated with Bieber? The press doesn't know, the fans don't know, the band is sealed away at an undisclosed location, and no one with on the Biebs Squad will say anything. The only clue we have to go on: the album is entitled "My bone marrow emit cold vapors". No release date has been given. Stay tuned as we work to expose the facts of this matter to you!
And now, what you've really been waiting for... your Bieber Fever Report:
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As you may have heard through the grape vine, we have done what they said could not be done! Yes, loyal reader, we at In Infictive have reached out and gone beyond, all for you Beliebers. We have gone past the agents, past the lawyers, past all intermediaries, direct to the source. Belieb it or not.
Mr. Justin Bieber, occult consultant and galactic functionary (a role he suggested he was "not free to talk about"), very graciously allowed us to contact him prior to the initiation of his participation in a Shemhamphorasch ritual. A noted expert on Crowleyian magick, Bieber left us with this tip for any of you youngsters planning the same: "Emphasis on the hash, and mispronounce it every time."
Our one question: Is Justin Bieber going to be playing the titular role in a forthcoming Kull the Destroyer movie?
His answer: it is a "distinct likelihood."
So went your week In Infictive. Join us again next week for more relished relations of this magnificent macrocosm you indwell!