I, Gwodder, do hereby attest that being of sound mind and body I did falsely represent myself as an employee of Brenico when responding to a cold-call for a "Who's Who In Your High School Class" book that someone was publishing.
I said, quote
"I work for Brenico"
I also falsely represented myself as an employee of Brenico in order to cut in line at gourmet restaurants and bed stewardesses.
I am very sorry, because although I am not now and have never been an employee of Brenico, it has always been my finest wish to someday be such. I fear that now that is impossible.
(sobbing)