All you really need in this world is a TV. Something to watch til your eyes are too old to open. That's all. So you plant yourself in front of the TV and do nothing but roll this side chart once a round until the below chart sets you free...
- 2-You channel up one channel- It's the Rex Havoc show! You hate this OFTL rock star and his piggish bullshit. But he is giving a long speech on why the right wing is the right wing and why liberals are all limp wristed queer diseased weaklings who should be exterminated. You realize he's right. You are scum and you have no right to live. You take out your handgun and put a round into your head. You die game over for you.
- 3- The power goes out a problem with the transformer. You get over your TV obsession and get on with your life using this chart no more.
- 4 You flip channels with your eyes closed. You see a nasty close up of a gall bladder surgery. You run for the bathroom to throw up. The fucking 24/7 gall bladder surgery channel! -1 life -1d6 happiness.
- 5 you flip to a random channel while reciting the national anthem backwards. It's cross-over country music superstar K D Laing! You dig her music, it's so exciting and new, yet holding to many country music traditions at the same time. She is preforming her hit single "Brokeback Mugmump" on the Salad Hays show. You watch the live performance all the way through, bopping your head to the beat. +1dd6 happy
- 6 flip the channel button around and land on a new reality T V show called Office Abuses. This is a corporate show about assholes who abuse the office space they work in. Those who go to the rest room to talk on they're cell phones. Those who steal or commit pay roll fraud. Anything the big wigs don't like and happen to catch on security cam. You see to your horror that you are featured tonight! The last job you worked for. McDonuts restaurant has it out for you. You grabbing a couple frys from each drive through order and putting them in your pocket for later. But that's all you had to eat! You are shown spitting on the floor. Sensitive microphones catch you farting when no one is around. You are ruined! -3d6 happy.
- 7 fall asleep with the TV on healing 2 life points.
- 8 SkinaMax! Its Celebrity Ward-robe malfunctions! +5 happy
- 9 watch the porn station KFCK
Non stop sex eroticism sensuality, in surround suck. Hell you have busted a nut to many a commercial about viagra, everything on this channel is hot hot hot. +2d6 happy
- 10 You watch this week's episode of Catch a Rising star. The star maker show. It is a rush! Some of these find looking young people competing for stardom will end up killing themselves and they will show every detail of it. They even come in after they died to pull down their pants and underwear to show how they shit and pissed themselves when they died. This is explained by a doctor as a Medical educational fact. This is to justify what they are doing. You are chalky pale and you have a facial tick after watching this weeks episode. -1 life -1d6 +1 happy
- 11 You pull out the plug of the massive uberbig screen TV and you solemnly vow to never watch that devil box of the gods again. You cruise the internet watching 1980's music videos on YouTube instead. +1d6 happy and you use the channel surf card no more.
- 12 You tuned in just in time! Ikipr is doing a live broadcast with Mystery X and Flipper the wonder shark where they are playing music that shall bring down the Great Alarm. You pop some popcorn and munch it down drinking v-8 juice. After about two hours of relentless sonic power the Great Alarm indeed does fall. Everyone watching realizes they can literally do anything they want.
Your watching, so you Win Win Win.