In Infictive - XL

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This week's edition of IN INFICTIVE is brought to you in part by Father Crump's Famous Herb Tea. Father Crump's secret formula contains select, all-natural ingredients to cleanse the entire human system, purify the blood, and aid digestion. Father Crump Medicine Co. promises you that as a Bowel Regulator their herb tea has no equal. Available exclusively from the most reputable vendors.

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We at In Infictive hope that all our readers enjoyed their feasting in the marking of another blessed traditional American Sunday Thanksgiving. May all your boiled tongue slices be perfectly tender, and your jugged hares and moldy grains aged just right. Today is Monday, November 17, 2014, and, in the spirit of gratefulness for all that is and yet shall be, we present, again, your week that was:

  • Raymond Almiran Montgomery, original publisher and author of the incredibly popular The Adventures of You (later renamed Choose Your Own Adventure) book series for children, the 4th bestselling children's series of all time, died at his home in Warren, Vermont, on Sunday, November 9th. He was 78 years old. An online memorial is now available, detailing Mr. Montgomery's life and tremendous influence on the genre. Requiescat in pace.

  • Faculty, alumni, and students will be pleased to learn that Fnordham University has officially announced it will be re-opening all areas of the campus beginning in the next semester. Several buildings and grounds had been largely closed to students following the Storm of February 2013; repairs have been ongoing since federal disaster funding was released to the county last year.

  • Libreville's own Paschal Pope, Marianne Netto, announced plans to celebrate her 52nd birthday today in grand style by leading a "March for Truth and Dignity" all the way to the front doors of the Mayor's office, where it is rumoured that she will announce her campaign for Mayor in the 2016 elections, hoping to unseat Diomedes Argyris, who has been in office since 1978. Netto is best known for her claims to have survived life-threatening burns sustained during the World Trade Center attacks of September 2001 thanks to the miraculous intervention of the Easter Bunny.

  • The Conseil de l'Avant-Garde of the banned Faction de Wilfred Ikor, representing the former political leadership of the now-dissolved republic of Ikory, this weekend released a statement declaring that a final agreement had been reached with Canadian and Quebec governments to "legitimate the movement and free all comrades". This comes after years of ongoing negotiations following the quelling of the "Ikorian insurrection" by police action in 2011, during which time Charlie Amis has been held in custody. Under the terms of the deal, the Faction will be formally dissolved and all party leaders freed by January 2016, and the Ikory Party will be immediately granted legal political status, allowing members to participate in forthcoming Kamstin elections, where Ikory-backed candidate Nicéphore Fernand is predicted to win the mayoral race.

  • Bitchface Brendan, the rapper responsible for controversial single "Yo, Puta", has been banned from performing following a court injunction related to a legal dispute over his alleged theft of the identity of another rapper, Bitchface Brendon, the rapper responsible for controversial single "81, Puta". Bitchface Brendan filed a counter-suit, alleging illegal time-travel on the part of Bitchface Brendon, citing the Agriculture Marketing Act of 1929. Bitchface Brandon, the rapper responsible for controversial single "U Ca'l Me Puta, Puta?", has also become involved in the public melee, condemning both Bitchface Brendan and Bitchface Brendon as pretenders and, in his words, "fucking putas."


Now for your Bieber Fever Report:

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With apologies, we have not seen nor have we heard any fresh reports this week on your favourite blessed, bear-fighting pop star's turn as Kull The Destroyer. Alas, perhaps next week! If you have heard rumour or wish to make idle speculation on the Biebs and his forthcoming role in the adaptation of Robert E. Howard's tales of the less-well-known barbarian king, we encourage you to leave them on the Discussion page!


So went your week In Infictive. Join us again next week for more tart tales about this majestic microcosm you inhabit!