Enigmatic band The Dick Tricks was in actuality composed of only one full-time member, loner-rebel Dick Lickley. Lickley released a string of singles that were part of a cycle about a man who finds a book of ancient penis magic. Only one of his compositions ever made the charts, but that was enough to launch him to cult superstar status in certain underground occult gluesniffing circles. Having achieved that level of success with his undeniably silly record, he destroyed the masters and went into hiding, few having seen him since. Members of his official fan club still get together to talk about what they love about the album and to follow leads as to his whereabouts, but a few rival clubs have popped up since the good old days and they too are on the lookout for any sign of the bard. Competition is fierce.
"We just want to let him know that we are still here and we still care about him. We were around when he was just getting started. These other clubs don't care about Dick. It's just a trend to them, and they're going to spoil it for us good people who really care about Dick," says Fan Club President, Spider Bohannon, a 40 something drifter who looks uncannily like his favorite musician.
Limerick Lasorta, 15, of rival club The New Unauthorized Dick Lickley Fan Club, has a different take on the situation. "Look yo, Spider? He be frontin' all the time sayin' we don't care about Mr. Lickley, but like hell yeah we care because we wants that prize money."
The prize money she refers to has been offered up by the International Association of Dickhunters, a non-profit charity dedicated to researching Dick with the hope of proving he exists.
"Of course he exists. That's ludicrous," says Bohannon.
"If he exists, why hasn't anyone actually seen him? There are pictures and there are songs, but there's no conclusive evidence that the person we know as Dick Lickley ever existed in the first place. Just bring us some proof, Spider. That's all we ask," says IAD founder Buttons Fondue.
"I reckon he up and self-sucked his whole body into a higher plane of genital manipulation. That's what I believe," said an anonymous fan passing by one of our interviews.
Wherever you are Dick, we hope you are happy and we hope you'll one day return to lead us to penis salvation.