STORIES TO MAKE YOU STOP

PREFACE Everyday I rub my penis for three minutes, it's a tradition, I wear a golden mask and sing the national anthem backwards. I never cum, but oh the places I go. Meditation subjects, I find the most peaceful Meditation to be a visual one. I think about a giant machine with a crusher hammer that falls every three seconds to smash a Christian to a bloody mess. I think "one", and see the fucknummer rolling down the belt as the hammer rises, "two" see the hammer begin to fall while assfunk picks his nose "three", the hammer strikes and blood spurts everywhere. I feel three months younger afterwards.

-- Andrew McFing

America and my girl

Tippy Rushdale loved America like the knob of his penis. He would gladly kill over and over again anyone his sacred country told him to. He also loved Dawn Lotus, a mail order bride from Thailand. He could not pronounce her name so he had it legally changed to Dawn which sounded more American anyway. When America started its war on terrorism Tippy signed up. He couldn't wait to kill as many of them bastards as he could while peeing on their country. Love and war go together like booze and drinking and soon he was on his way, tired out from video taped marathon sex with his eighteen year old non-English speaking bride. He bought enough cheap microwave food and ramen noodles for her to live like a queen while he was gone. She was living much better than she did back home anyway.

Ah the pleasures of war, his first duty was guarding prisoners in a Latin American camp. The location of these people was secret. Although most of these prisoners were obviously from Uglavaria, one of the three countries the USA was currently invading, but about forty of them were from America. So many fucking traitors, he kicked them whenever he got the chance, and he got quite good at spitting on them too. Three weeks into this he got to shoot his first man. A journalist from Peru was trying to line up some photos of the nightly prisoner beatings. Tippy blasted a round into his chest and another into his arm. The man lived after surgery in the crude medical center of this complex, so the man became a indefinite resident here in Cell 342b. Tippy loved his job, it was kinda slow and boring at times , but kicking the prisoners and beating them up was a great release. It made him love Dawn all that much more, and love Jesus too. He had taught Dawn how to say Jesus, but that was as far into Christianity he had got with her so far. Dawn was so cute, and gave such groovy head, he missed her when he wasn't mounting a local whore. Some of the local whores were pretty good at cock sucking.

Then he was called out to active duty in Iraq. He felt sure he would get to kill many non-Christians and he was so excited he forgot all about Dawn back home for awhile. Meanwhile Dawn met Tippy's neighbor Bock Carter. These round eyes tended to look alike and she mistook Bock for her husband. She walked up to him smiling a charming smile. Bock smiled back. She took his hand and led him inside her home, to the bedroom where she went down on her knees and gave him a luscious blow job and had him exploding into her mouth, she lapped up all the cum while looking him in the eye. "Jesus", Dawn said.

All American Meat bath

What makes America great? Homegrown tomatoes, and sacrificing children to The Tomato God. Making drugs illegal and then shipping them into the states to sell them on the streets makes America great. Tea bagging your buddy while he sleeps and taking a picture is what makes America great. Big trucks that block the view of others on the road makes America great. The power of modern video cameras makes America great, no one shits and wipes unrecorded now, unless it's done in a few select areas of American wilderness. Making others obey God makes this country great, and if you do so then you can let a few rules slide on your side. Prayer in school to Jesus and no other makes America even greater.

But what weakens America? The mongrel races not knowing they're places, and Reproducing with decent white women, that and nude swimmin after dark at the pool in the park. Hip hop and body piercings ruin America.

WHAT WE SHOULD DO ABOUT IT:

• 1 Stop all those injuns from drinking decent American beer.
• 2 Outlaw abortion and adoption.
• 3 Mandatory Baptist prayer in schools.

Goddess bless America long may she dominate the world with endless missiles and explosives, long may we spill blood for the profit of the rich elite. Drain it all, own it all, throw it all away.

Post Nuclear Tears

A nuclear war or some other disaster far away , like Africa or Asia. There are high radiation levels. Everyone is dying , the whole human race. Everyone gets into promiscuous sex. No need for birth control, everyone is sterile. No worries about sexual disease, we are all dying anyway. I smoke lots of drugs and I go around gathering items for my Great Library of the Dead. Crates of DVD's taken from the smoking ruins of the Golden Buy store. A few visits to the library with a wheel barrow, a lot of missing stuff already, including it's entire occult section. A man dressed in black with long brown hair was wheeling the books out as I entered. I stop outside the library to vomit some blood, more drugs and I'm on my way again.

Hard day of the factory

At work again, 12 hours a day slaving for the man. Blank had been at it for five hours, and it was time for a fifteen minute break. You drag your self to the dimly lit breakroom. There your pale burned out co-workers suck synth-coffee like their life depends on it. You slip some credits into the grimy vending machine. Paint chips, somewhat stale, You chew them down,and grease it with a swig of imported water. seven hours left, you think. You light a cigarette, pale purple smoke floats from it. Bland chatter all around you , bland grey talk from burned out humans sucking smoke and synth caffine down. You sit there and think about just how fast that fifteen minute break goes by , but you have only began to think of it when break is over and you march tiredly back to work.

A man died today on the job. He got his shirt caught in the teeth of one of those giant cogs that work thier way accross the factory. It just sorta sucked him up and ripped him apart. Blank was one of several put on mop duty. A touring exec was coming in about forty minutes to tour the factory and the boss did'nt want any blood or twitching meat chunks left visable. Normally Blank got to have a lunch break after being there eight hours , the lunch break being the last break of the day. But do to the tour lunch was cancelled that day and everyone worked right through. The tour exec , one Kirby Hestle , was the company president's second son. He was a real arrogent asshole. He had all the employees gather together at the end of their shift and fired a couple of them becuase he didn't like their looks. Jack Ponpoblid was fired, and Ponpoblid was Blank's energy powder contact. Dammit.

After ten hours of hard core work there was an aanouncement that the employees were all to gather in the dim now dis-used room by the cog room where Blank's co worker died. When all hundred thirty eight grey employees had gathered in this room , their supervisor came in with four burly security men. The Supervisor said that he had a short list of people who had been caught on camera taking long breaks. Blank's name came up first , he had taken an extra 38 seconds break yesterday. The security men surrounded Blank, he tried to break free of them but they overpowered him. The supervisor worrked him over with a series of gut punches, when released Blank slumped to the ground with the wind knocked out of him. Four more employees were punished during this session. Then everyone was ordered back to work.

After eleven and a half hours of work Blank was nearly too tired too stand and the boss got on the P A system and said that they were behind on thier work today do to having to have a disapline session and everyone was going to have to work a extra forty five minutes for free.

Blank's co-workers shot him hatefull glances. As he moved heavy parts around he often heard "Asshole!" , and other names behind his back. At the worst point somebody pushed him from behind while he had an armload of heavy steel parts. He fell with a clammor and somebody else said "Smooth move exlax." Blank picked up a long piece of metal that could be used as a club , he look about him in a seething rage. Every one looked innoscent as they backed up. Blank through the weapon down and stormed off. Finally quitting time came , Skipp Blank found one of his tires had it's air let out and was flat. He had a spare but he was too tired to change it. He crawled into his car , locked the door and fell into a deep sleep. He woke up late the next afternoon. Four hours till work he thought bitterly.

Moisture from our furr to the world

Annie Miles hurried to her next class, Dead Sea Scrolls Theory. She didn't want to take it , but it was mandatory to get a degree. New law, point of light number 472. Professer Orville Fudpacker the 3rd was a deeply religous man who has served a one year prison term for killing street people to make leather for his hand crafted bibles.

The first day was stressful. Fudpacker browbeat the class putting his face close to everybody's heads to smell their thoughts. One student, Tom Monk, was thrown out violently by Fudpacker. Orville said he was a homosexual. He told Annie to wait till after class. She waited, wandering what was up. Alone with her in his office, he activated a hidden camera , and toyed with the head of his penis , hidden from view. Annie glanced nervously around the wall, ceiling, and floor of mirrored tile. Good thing I'm not wearing a dress , she thought. She could see reflections of herself at every angle repeated along the walls, weird. He was holding a file on her, it appeared to be around two hundred pages thick. She wondered how much information was in there. "I read that you're majoring in Vegetable Psychology".

"Yes, from there I will rise to my career goal, Vegetable Metaphysics" , she said proudly.

"Well if you want that degree you're gonna have to undress for me".

"What?" , she said shocked.

"You heard me, remember your career is in my hands". His penis was in his hands to. She sobbed and pulled off her top, her breasts were tiny, small pale nipples. His hand pulled up and squeezed, pulled down and relaxed. She undid her jeans and slid them down. Blue panties, scanty and sexy. She wiggled solemnly out of them. His hand pumped harder while he slid his desk aside. "Look at my penis! Look Look!" , he cheered stroking faster now , the veins in his neck bulging out. She looked at it repeating the ninteys mantra , "Think about the money. Think about the money". Luckily for Annie, Fudpacker quickly spurted and lost all interest in her.

Endless Drugs

Still stoned, three days straight. Deric Moolman husks off to sleep in a dizzy cone of infinant buzz. That night he has yet another end of the world dream:

Life alone in a big house. Some unclear thing has destroyed everyone else in the area , vary likely the entire world. Deric can't leave the house or he will die too. Then hundreds of wasps began to fly about the house. He is consumed by rage, being stuck in this house full of wasps. He sees that the floor is covered with sand. He throws handfulls of sand at the wasps, trying to knock them to the ground so he can grind crush then underfoot. Already they are landing on him, crawling up and down his coat, looking for a soft spot to sting. He brushes them off with a grunt of revultion.

Deric offers a quick prayer to his own feverish thoughts

Deric gets a ride with Paul Grant and marc frosthing Jr. to a special lubricant store.but it was now a fried pumpkin rinds,and used hairbrush store.It seemed to change once a month or so.They drove by it one drunken reeling night and saw it offered frozen foods made from unnamed animals already hunted into extinction in the rain forests before scientists ever got a chance to discover them. Deric bought some tuber moth crackers, and mushrooms that cure cancer,and give you harder firmer erections.This became an obsession for Deric He would save up all month and go to the same location to see what was there this time....

October saw the building house a halloween store. Deric spent lots of his cash there, coming back daily untill it was replaced by a grab bag store. For twenty dollers you get a heavily taped up brown box with unknown contents. When Deric went home and opened it, here is what he found inside:

• 1) A single line's worth of white powder, Deric snorted it, and as a result he could hear tinkling sounds in his mind for five minutes afterwards.
• 2) a obsideon mask carved by a now lost unknown native american tribe.
• 3) three unopened glass bottles of 1920's era 5% cocaine Coca-Cola.
• 4) A autographed picture of Bigfoot.
• 5) A live Mollusk.
• 6) A pamplet of anti-anti government propaganda.
• 7) A mirror that shows what you would look like if you where a fish.
• 8) A condem made out of human brain material.
• 9) A compact disc recording of alien sex.
• 10) A get out of jail free card that somehow works in real life.

Deric liked this grab bag he had purchased, he went back the next week when he got payed, but sadly the store was replaced by a new store that sold only jockey shorts with pictures of Dick Cheeney on them. He didn't spend anything there and Deric returned yet again the next following week and where the building had been was was a small park. It had one pick nick table and eight newly transplanted trees. He had a stout joint with him and he sparked it up and smoked it while walking around this new park, with transplanted grass and trees and little hints of debree. He noticed a half buried rubber keychain skeliton, he bent down and pulled it freee, stuffing it into his shorts for good luck.

Donna's Revenge

Donna Munt rode accross the desert on a modified horse. Cyborg enhancements made it's legs faster and stronger. She chewed on a kanna plant as she rode, a pleasant buzz numbing away her inner tormoil a little. She also swigged from the solar powered cooler canteen strapped to her shapely hip. The vision of her husbands murder flashed through her mind like a salvia loop. It was on a cloudy day , a day that promised rain but never delivered. She and her husband , Peter were working the fields , harvesting the rainbow flowers of a local plant, to be sent to a local perfume company for extraction of it's intoxicating scent. Perfume that gives a buzz, attracts men , a relieves minor headaches. A hot humid day, Donna took her shirt off and worked in jeans and a transparent red bra. Peter was horny as hell from the flowers they worked with and he kept trying to get on her , feeling her breasts, trying to kiss her. "Wait till we have this harvest in honey" , she told him. "Then we need to harvest me!" , he said rubbing a hand accross his own crotch. "Everything in it's do time" , she told him with a wink. She felt so good at that moment , the fumes from the petals tickleing her recepters. "Very touching" , said a gruff voice from behind the couple. They whirled and faced four gangsters dressed in black ninja outfits with chain mail armor and cowboy hats. "Yeah thats pretty fuckin sweet!" , said another gangster , the one with the ivory and tortoise stone incrusted eye patch. "Makes me want to fuck her" , observed the ganster with the light blue skin and unicorn tattooe on his face. The last gangster said nothing , he just pulled out a viberating knife. Peter yelled "You fucks better just back off!". "You gonna stop us pussy?" , said the first gangster as he pulled out a automatically heating knife , it was quickly becoming red hot. Peter rushed forwards and gave the first gangster a hard headbutt , the man dropped his blade and fell to the ground holding his face. The unarmed gangster kicked Jim in the leg hard. The last gangster closed in with his long viberating blade , the weapon sawed clean through Peter's arm , leaveing it hanging on by a few threads. Jim felled to the ground in shock as the group kicked and stabbed him into an early grave. As this happened Donna was frozen to the spot , she screamed and cryed and cursed. He stunned gangster got back up and put he into a arm lock from behind , his crouch digging into her ass like a puppy going for a teet. Donna struggled with the man as the others closed in smileing.

"Get off me you assholes!" , she screamed as the others began grabbing her arms and legs and forceing her to the ground. Donna screamed for help , but no one else was around for miles. Ganster two slapped her hard accross the face and punched her in the stomach knocking the wind out of her , she sagged in their arms. Rough hands ripped off her bra and her breasts stood naked before the gawking rapists.

"Sweet tits" , a light blue skinned gangster with spikey hair told her as he gave them a rough squeeze. "Firm baby , nice succulent nipples , lets have a taste". He bit her nipples and flicked a wet tonuge over and around them.

"No , no" , she protested at the arms holding her down. The gangster with the eye patch began tugging on her form fitting vegitable hide jeans , she squirmed feebely as they pulled down her tan shapely legs.

"Nice pantys , I think I'll take em home and sniff em!" , Eyepatch told her.

"Fuck you" , Donna said.

"No No , fuck you". She gasped as her pantys slid down her thighs , deep blue pantys with a banana on the crotch of em. "Jelk's , get your camcorder , this is gonna be a good one!"

Bright lights flashed in Donna's eyes a beam of light makeing her feel nakeder than naked as many hands groped her. She broke free of the hands with a agonizeing twist and stood half up before a boot thumped into her belly Donna fell again and the many hands were holding her down , spreading her legs. She had a very pretty pussy , the sweetest feature on a sweet frame. Eyepatch stood above her as she was held down. He undid his jeans , pulled on the shorts and his erect member swung out.

Don't do this" , she begged as he settled himself onto her. He reached into his pants pocket and produced a small vial of a strongely grape smelling lubricant. Grape rape was the brand name ,sold in porn mags as a rapist's best friend. He rubbed it on his cock and smiled blissfully , the stuff also contained maleificalea extract , a local plant that gives euphoria to it's users.

The penis was slippery and damp , and it entered her easily , the vaginal walls absorbed the plant's chemicals and dispite her self a pleasant warmth invaded her spreading out from the vagina till it hit her head with a dizzy overwhelming buzz. She vowed to sue the makers of this product. She now felt delerious , a commen effect from fighting the drugs mental effects , she felt faint and weakened. Eyepatch worked it and out of her while the camcorder lights took on a vibrant range of trippy colors. Harder and harder he fucked her , she relaxed in a diparing submission , and the hands relased her arms and legs and began opening flys. Her memorys from there where dim and disturbing , but she did remember the forced blow jobs slobbily done and the multable beatings and kickings. At some point she dreamed she had died and was floating in a warm tranquil sea somewhere beyond.

Donna woke up some time later , with seman all over her. In her hair , all over her abused ass and pussy. Come on her tits , and what was that terrible taste in her mouth? She was completly naked , propped ass up over some of her husband's equipment. His body lay nearby , pissed on, She got up spitting , hacking and spitting , rubbing the semen off her skin with dirt as she rushed for the house , and the shower inside. She rubbed and washed while freaking out. She stayed in the shower for two hours. She dressed and brushed her teeth over and over again , all the while thinking about the rifle her husband kept in their bedroom closet. A nice armor pierceing gun that can kill people , or shred a car engine. She mounted her Cyborg horse ,named Storges, and headed after the bastards , she wanted to make them suffer and to them kill them one by one , with the others watching. That would nice nice. Her horse could act as a digital blood hound and she had it sniff for scents and sample them. It used delicate moniters to track where they had gone from the scene of the crime. Accross the wet lands she rode. Low hills going on for miles , full of lush vegitation and small clusters of fruit trees. She picked some green fieowton fruits from a ripe tree. The orange sized fruits where very light lime green in color and incredibly sweet , like the best soda pop you have ever drank times fifteen. She tracked them along a warm fragrant river, a rainbow of lillies floated on the slow moveing river. She came to a small village of native blue skins. Her horse told her they were not here anymore but had probaly slept here from the scent. Donna bought some more kanna and three cigerettes of the flowers of the mistoef plant , a favorite of hers for the emotion dissolves deeply peacefull trance like state they put the user in for up to three hours , depending on one's tolorance , and she had not smoked one for seven weeks. She sparked the first one up as she left the village back on the bastard's trail. Sadly at the blue skinned river village of keyueiw the rapists seem to have split in two factors , the scents were pretty fresh though. Some had gone onto the wide raft the people here take to the other side of the river. Others seemed to be still nearby. She was ready to kill. The horse led Donna to a whore house , more a long series of leather tents. She could not bring the horse inside so she parked it in front of a opium den. Donna hid in the shadows with her rifle waiting for the fucker to leave the tent She chewed the last of her kanna as she waited , but he did come out. She snuck up behind him , the one who had the viberating blade and stale tasteing penis. She put the gun to his back and he froze. "Walk down to the shore , I want to talk to you about something" , she said through the voice changer strapped to her neck. Her voice came out to sound like a six foot black man and the fucker gave her no resistance. She marched him to the cliffs and asked who he works for and other bullshit questions. She then kicked him hard in the back , the blue skinned man fell twisting and screaming to be dashed on the rocks below , Donna watched the waves slowly clean the blood from the rocks and smiled. She made her way back to the tent and waited for the next victum. She waited two more hours , and finally a familiar face emerged from the tent. The one with the unicorn tattoed to his face , behind him another male , this one half white. Both laughed and slapped hands. She waited till they were halfway accross the street and brought the cyber horse galloping down on them at full speed , gun raised. Unicorn had his blade out but the horse overwhelmed him with a steel plated head butt , he fell sprawling to the ground , Donna blasted the half breed as he reached for something in his shirt , his body flew back and crumbled agaainst a wall. Donna jumped off her horse and brought out her intelli-tangle rope. She lashed it at unicorn and it tied itself tightly around him. She kicked him hard seven times and then mounted the horse. She dragged him through town and out into the swampy outside. There she tied him to a tree and began applying vein worms to him, one on the chest, he writhed in disgust and horror , one on his foot , held by a stake , he could only wiggle as the transparent worm's head began digging in. Next she pulled his pants down , esposeing his fat foul tasting penis. She put the rest of her seven vein worms there and he finally screamed a hopeless lost wail into the night of a thousand sounds. The worms slowly wiggled into the openings they had made , his skinned swelled and turned red to mark their trail. One had penetrated the fucker's nutsack and the screams were pleasurable for her to hear. As he wirthed in pain and knowledge of the damage the vein womrs were doing to his insides he felt a splash and he was covered in fermented piss , Donna's own. It attracted lots of bugs , till a black thorny mass of them covered unicorn's whole body , sickening sounds of hundreds of jaws working. Donna got back up on her horse and rode away smileing broadly. Her nipples were hard and pushed out at her shirt. Two down and dead , she thought , two more to die. She went into some bars and asked around , handing out money for tips , fighting off gropers. She thought she knew enough to get started so she ordered a pastry sandwich and some beer and was then off again rideing her horse. Donna walked her horse onto the barge , and payed the well armed man to take her accross. She sparked up another mistoef cigerette and shared it with the barge man. Smoke drifted over the pastel blue waters , curling in the breeze. The land ahead marked the start of the mid lands , a zone between the earth settlers and the wild lands still peopled by poldacs. Her mind drifted peacefully on that barge ride , but peacefull thoughts of violent revenge , castration by rusty blade , nailing testicles to the wall with a big rubber mallet. Peacfull thoughts of violent bloody torture and murder , a smiled curled on her lips , ironic world we currently live in.

It seems according to village rumers that the other two were heading out to raid a new age happening and see what goodies could be taken by force there. Donna vowed they would not make it , and she had the horse to back it up. She had instructions on how to get to the new age shin dig , so she headed straight there. Friendly eccentric faces grinned at Donna as she rode her horse through the fair ground. There were tarot readings , massage experts , chakra radiation booths , crystals and stones from three worlds. No weapons were visible anywhere, very odd. Almost every one here was from earth , only a few Poldacs , she saw only three of them , all employed by the fair. Donna worried that the nice people might make it hard for her to torture the bastards. She may just have to kill them right away and then just empty her gun into the corpes till they are formless red pasta. Donna bought a glossy semi see through veil dress and changed into it openly getting naked and then dressed in a sexy outfit that leaves very little to the imagination. The new agers just smiled at her and went about thier fair. She parked herself in a tent sellng insence and waited...Wisps of nag champa smoke drifted about.

Eyepatch and his co hort Monwof entered the fair , their eyes glazed with perverse excitment. Hot women all about , and no visible weapons! This was heaven! Monwof walked into a man in a fuzzy vegitable jacket on purpose , the soft man thudded off him with a "ugh!" , he looked up at Monwof and said "Excuse me , and he walked on. The two outlaws laughed at this. A evil grin spread on Eyepatche's face and stayed there. A teen age girl was walking by , a baggie of crystals and insences in her hand. Monwof ran his hand up her silk dress and grasped a firm cone shaped tit in his warm hand. The girl looked kind of shocked and she side stepped and kept going , reaching into her hand to fondle a crystal. "Your turn" , Monwof told his friend. Eyepatch saw a pretty blind woman who did readings of objects. They waited in line trying not to giggle as she felt a ivory and gold inlayed hairbrish a man put on the table. He heard a story about his mother and the spiritual path that she was on now that she had left the world behind. Next a dog collar with bronze spikes on it was fondled , the blind lady told of the dog's journey to the north sea to save a dolphin , and how it would come back some day next spring. Eyepatch paid his silver piece and quietly undid his pants , he placed his six inches of veiny soft cock on the table. Blind hands reached over and closed on it. The blind lady screamed the most blood curdling scream either outlaw had ever heard. She just went on shirieking and freaking out , all heads turned to her tent. "Murders , rapists!" , the blind lady screamed. Donna got up and she readied her rifle , she closed in with the rest of the crowd to see what was happening. "Rapists , they have murdered fellow man , murderers!" , the lady was still screaming. Eyepatch through a hard punch into her chin , her head spun and her neck snapped with a sound like a dry twig. More screams from around the fair. Donna stepped from the crowd with her gun raised. Monwof bent for his blade and she fired at him missing , a bystander's head pulped behind the out law. Now both men where rushing her screaming a primal wail of rage. Monwof took one in the chest and fell Eyepatch seized the rifle , jerking it trying to wrest it from her hands , Donna fought desparatly to keep it. Eyepatch pulled the gun free , but the new agers dog piled him , as gently as they could while Donna recovered the fire arm.. Donna backed up and watched the dog pile swirm. The gentle people were being punched , kicked and thrown off. Soon Eyepatch stood up and glared at Donna. He sprang at her and was at her throat before she could fire , His hands dug deep into her cutting off air and blood flow, she could feel her self starting to faint, She used her last strength to pull the trigger , the bullet entered the back of his head , the face exploded out into a large exit wound. Donna dropped the gun and gasped.. The fair goers helped her to a healer that layed hands on her and her strength returned. Donna left the horse with them to compensate for the bystander she had accidently shot. So Donna walked out of town smokeing a fat cigerette of the mellow tropical herb.

the end

Hellish days of summer

With the burning heat comes a throbbing madness to Sergeo Jones. Three weeks of over one hundred degree hell. Today the heat index was 115. His lawn was dead a yellow-brown. As where the yards of his neighbors. His birdbath had an automatic refill function and the birds had wars over it. Currently three black crows stood on it's ledge , guarding over their kingdom. A dead and dried sparrow lay at the foot of the pool , so far the only direct fatally from these bird wars. From behind him the radio was playing the morning news. The government has made accusing a catholic priest of child molestation illegal , with a punishment of fines or short jail time. This is to curb the many false lawsuits and charges brought on the church by dangerous heratics. "Thank Jesus for uniting church and state" , Sergeo said sarcastically. The amped use of electricity was causeing bills to go up while blackouts occured at least once a week. Houses left with no power. Old people and ill people dieing in thier homes

The spy life

Jim Monvac was an American ex patriot living in Uglavaria. He went there as part of a travaling salesman convention. He was offering refrigerator magnets that looked like nuns , herbal mops , and holy bible/beer coolers. Some poor kid with a pickle shaped nose lifted his wallet as he stumbled drunkenly down the street during their annual Ugla-fest. He chased the brat past customed partyers but he escaped with his pass port and his plane ticket home. He had been here every since. Stuck in Uglavaria , where the secret police wake you up a night sometimes by kicking in your neighbor's door and dragging him away never to be seen again. Where there are long lines for moldy bread while government agents dine on steak and rare herbs. The only third world Europian country perhaps. Jim got a job translating American newspapers for the security branch of the government. This poor country provided few distractions , wasted countryside , bombed and burned black from many wars and revolutions. Their were plenty of prostitutes though , most ungainly looking and boney. Their was Uglavarian vrosh , a heavy bitter drink. Jim drank it and smoked the old stale cigerettes available at the people's market. The people's market was were you spent your government credits for food and barter trade material. Long ago Jim sold all his American clothes , for a nice price. The clothes bought him a week's worth of better food , four visits to prostitutes , and a gallon of Uglavarian vrosh.

A year went by , Jim spent what time he could drinking smoking and whoring. Lots of blow jobs , while he closed his eyes and thought about girls he used to know back home...Now Ugla-fest was drawing near and the excitment was in the air. Here where laws you don't even know of can get you put to death the laws and morals where always relaxed a lot at this time. Sometimes there was public nudity or even sex , open drunkeness , normally forbidden music and foreign culture allowed to public display. A frolicking wierd carnival. Jim hated his job more each day , it really sucked. His eyes were strained from the dim dungeon he worked in. Back home in America he could live much more large with a part time job at McDonalds. Although he couldn't afford American prostitutes with that kind of income. He had been saving up for six months. He did this by skipping three meals a week , and here lately he had been staying sober. He praticed a bastardized form of meditation to get through the sad slow sober days. All this was for Ugla-fest. The year long blow out would be his holy grail. In the three last weeks before the fest he even gave up his weekly visit to a whore. Saving up he was.

Now it was friday , and ugla-fest starts tommorow morning! Jim broke into a few grins at work , so did most of his ghostly co-workers. After work he bought some vrosh , four bottles each a happy half day's worth of drunken stumbles. He washed himself up as best he could in the dim light of the sink , the pipes spurting up light red water. To bed early that night. Feverishly horny dreams that night , of beautifull women parading naked. Of wine sweeter than stevia herb flowing into any waving cup. In his dream everything is red hazed and he stumbles into an alley to throw up. There is a Uglavarian police man there pissing out spurts of light red piss from his huge and reptillian penis. Some how he has managed to puke on the officer , the puke looks like bubbling human skin. The nazi cop draws his rusty luger and shoots.

Jim bolted awake from the dream. He got out of bed naked and walked to his window. It overlooked a sun dial. It was almosts seven a m . The parade starts in an hour. Jim got dressed and took extra time trying to look good. He cooked some bacon and and ate a couple donuts he had bought a couple days ago. Eight minutes before the parade's start he headed outside. Lots of people were gathering already. He saw his fourth favorite prostistute heading for the parade and gave her a curt nod. Kids swept threw the people selling small wooden flasks of Uglavarian vrosh , but Jim had brought a bottle of his own along and was already nurseing it gently. A couple of others were also drinking openly but most would wait till noon for the start ot the day's buzz. Trumpets sounded down the block , it was the Uglavarian national anthum and the people began clapping and cheering. Soon four freaky looking tanks drove downt he center the street followed by two hundred soldiers marching in time to the bass drummers beats.The crowd programmed by years of fear stood up tall and clapped thier hands raw at the procession. Due to terrorist threats Ugla-man himself did not appear in the parade , the first he had missed in seven years. As the heavy marchers faded down the street the rest of the parade began. The black candy pumpkin was first. Uglavarien legands spoke of the black candy pumpkin as a giant jet black horse drawn pumpkin from which a horrible monster tossed children black candys. The children must look away from the beast to be safe from not being eaten by it some time later, maybe days , maybe years.

Next came a float completly covered in the green brown flowers of the Uglavarian poppy. A commen plant here that was whipped out as a nasty weed nearly everywhere else in europe do to it's muscous like appearance and it's sweet rotten scent. Not a true poppy , but with mildly opiate like chemicals , that make one feel floaty , then one pukes. Extracts of this plant were sold on the black market , one of the few drugs aviailable in the country , which was odd because Uglavaria is well known for it's state sponsered drug labs. But the fearless leader has managed to mostly keep these substances out of the hands of the people.

Many foreingers were among the crowd. Swigging Vrosh and taking pics. They all seemed like rich royalty to the commoners. Jim worked his way closer to the front of the cheering crowd. Next came a mink float , the thing was all of furr , sexy women by Uglavarian standards modeled and posed on it.. One of the girls on the float was Verga , he fucked he once for a third week's pay.

"Hey would you like a hit off of this?" , a voice asks from behind him. Jim turns to see an American passing a joint to him.

"Wow! A joint!" , Jim told the man as he accepted the thing. It was delicous! Like tasting America.

"You look like an American but your dressed like a native" , the man told him. Rolland told him how he ended up stranded here in Uglavaria. "You should see America now Jim" , the man said" Pot is legal now and girls can legally be in public topless , mainly it's the teen ones you'll see in malls and such" , the man lied. The joint slowly shortened as Jim felt a golden body high , a tingleing roar. A feeling like he could feel everything in a feild ten feet around him.

"I miss America" , Jim told the man.

"I think maybe we can work something out to help you get back home" , the man told Jim , with shark like look crossing his face a for a moment.

"How so" , Jim asked him , a bit suspicous.

"I work for the American government" , the man confided quietly to JIm.

Down the street parade went some kid sized tanks with some grade school aged boys driving them and marching along side with short rifles. This band of fighters actually has seen combat action , Ugla man has no shame. "We would like to have bugs implanted in government buildings , and would like a certain spin on how you translate American newspapers for them" , the man told Jim. JIm knew then that this was no chance meeting.

"And this will get me back home?" , Jim asked him.

"Yes , thats the deal."

"This is a totalaterrian country , what protection would I have if things go wrong?"

"You have my personal guarantee that our special forces will pull you out of here if your life is in danger" , said the man whose name Jim did not know.

"Ok then , I'll do it if you throw another joint into the bargen". The pulled out another joint and lit it. The man then fished out a thick manilla envelope.

"This will get you started , it's information spins for you to translate and four tiny bugs for you to place in places specified in the included instrucions.

"You finish that joint ,I've got to move on , we can't be seen together too much you know". The man quickly disapeared in the crowd. Jim had never felt so high in his life. He just stood there as the parade melted by , Paranoia and hope circleing his thoughts. A float drifted by , purple on red colors , some old folklore myth being re-inacted by customed dancers. Jim stared and felt like he could just close his eyes and wake up at home. Jim opened his eyes and watched the Castle Uglavaria float roll by. This was the most expensive float , a detailed replica of the real castle , before such modornizations such as anti-aircraft missiles and others. Jim began drinking the vrosh , and the buzz grew heavier , filling him with a near delerium. When possible Jim brushed his crotch up against girls in the crowd " Pardon me". His penis enjoyed this very much. He kept the roach of the second joint for later , and went on drinking the vrosh. By late afternoon Jim was trashed , by evening his was still stumbling about , falling constantly , openly gropeing girls and he even through a brick into a police wagan's windshield. The brick just bounced off. He stumbled into the thick crowd and managed to not be scene. The night when on as a long series of crazy anti-social acts all gotten away with. It was a crazy night all over the city. Fires were started , cars wrecked. One small riot was put down by heat seeking rubber bullets.

Jim woke up in his bed three p m the next day. His head raged hard , his throat felt dry and parched. Nausea flowed threw him to top it off. He pissed a alarming amount of foul smelling fluid and then poured some luke warm tap water from the sink. He drank four glasses while his head felt like it was expanding and contracting painfully to his heart beat. He remembered the roach from the night before and fished it out. He hadn't noticed the last night but there was some kinda white powder mixed in with the spongey fragrant weed. Bonus! , he thought as he lit it up and smoked down to a burned scrap of paper. His headache began to ease up. He took a shower , and the greenish grey water felt good on his skin for once. The hangover had gone down to a distant throb. He fished a fresh bottle of vrosh out of his hideing place and brought it outside with him. A cold sun today , Jim began to swig on the vrosh , hopeing to kill the rest of his hangover. The crowd was starting out pretty melow this afternoon , probaly most were as hung over Jim. The street corners mostly had local musicans playing soft traditional tunes like "Drown my baby in the river" , and "Maybe next war". Jim tipped a accordian player by filling his cup with vrosh , the man smiled happily and started another round of umpa music. Jim wandered the scene swigging the vrish and getting drunker and drunker. Soon he ended up in full black oiut mode , He woke up in the ditch the next morning. Slightly beten up and missing his money. During Uglafest he only kept enough cash on him to get a big drunk on , so at least he had more funds at home. Jim dragged his sorry sore ass home , a long shower and then he lay in bed for hours , getting up once to vomit. The day was a waste , with Jim feeling too sick to do much but review the manilla envelope that the spy had given him. He studied where he was to put the bugs and the mis-interpatations when he went back to work. He took two days off and he had to be back tommorow , working in that dark dungeon when the party outside blazed on without him. Today he felt frustrated , he vowed to buy a blow job at the fest to drain out his tensions. Jim slept most the day he finally got up at two a m. He felt very nervous and swigged a couple shots of vrosh to calm his hands. He tired to look innoscent into the mirror as he combed his hair and shaved. One more shot a vrosh and he headed off to work. He went into the boss's office but the stern old man was not in , so Jim left a micro-bug clinging to the wall like a flea's eye. The next one in he left in the central work area , where a crew of eight worked on keeping the truth from the Uglavarian people. He also started on his mis translations and the whole thing creeped him out. By the time it was clock out time he had planted two more bugs and only had one left to plant.

As soon as he got home Jim broke out the vrosh and got wasted. Stumble drunk before he even left his home for the night's Ugla-fest. He watched the kids in midevel custums jousting each other with foam weapons and the audience cheered. One kid ended up with a broken leg from being knocked off his nerf horse. Jim felt as horny as he was drunk and he began looking for a blow job for hire. He knew where to go , but so many of them were taken by the drunken crowd , he finally hooked up with a high school girl , a little pudgey but with warm glowing skin. They crept away to a little occupied space and Jim undid his lust tube. It erected in her young hand. He sqeezed a soft gushy breast as she went down to her knees and began licking his balls , tickleing her way up to his penis head and back , then taking him into her hot mouth. Jim tipped back his vrosh and the act took a long time in his drunken state. Her mouth hugged his cock with a love his life seemed normally so empty of , her teeth rubbed sometimes painfully , she pulled it out here and there to lick and kiss it while stareing him in the eyes. Finally Jim came while reaching into her blouse and rubbing her braless nipples. A good girl and cheap to! Now that his tensions had been drained away he could easily slip into the sing along version of the Uglavarian anthum will enjoyment and a still rageing drunken buzz. Jim was an hour late for work the next day.

At three he was called to the bose's office. A scary thing in Uglavaria , if you haven't been spying , but if you have a horrorfying thing. He was cold sober to , and nervous as hell. He had another of those bugs on him and he was going to where he was supposed to put it. He walked past the two armed guards who checked his employee badge with scanners and waved him on. Jim slowly walked into the vast sprawling office , he felt as if he opened his mouth to speak the boss would hear his pounding heart. Down the long hall covered by many video moniters to a vast desk surrounded by four burly armed guards. The boss eyed him coldly and said "Sit down mr. Monvac." Jim sat down and let the tiny bug fall from his hand onto the chair.

"Late mr. Monvac? , just cause it's Ugla-fest time don't mean we want our employees to go on drunken binges and show up for work late. To make up for lost time you get to work three extra hours today for free , good day mr. Montac" , the boss waved for Jim to leave.

"Yes sir" , Jim told the powerfull man as he departed. His voice went far threw wireless beams to be intercepted by American agents that gave themselves thumbs ups. Jim worked his extra hours and it have him enough time to finish the American spy's requests. I should be home free now , I will just meet him at the fest and be on my way to freedom , Jim thought.

A quick clean up , a few shots of vrosh , and Jim walked his tired self down to the fest. Jim brought a full bottle of vrosh with him . leaveing the two thirds empty one at home. He drank too heavy as he searched the crowd for his American contact. Meanwhile his contact and his contact's support party where all on thier way back to America , haveing gotten what they wanted from Jim , they left him to sink or swim on his own. Still Jim drank and wandered the crowd ,till it got so late he didn't dare try to sleep for fear of being late to work. He hit the coffee houses at five a m and began sucking up round after round. One placed even sold coffee laced with ephidrene , he drank three of them and was finaly energized and twitchy. He hung out and talked to some early morning locals untill it was time to go to work. He was ninety percent sober and he felt wide awake. It reminded Jim of a long ago past in America when he used to snort coke bumps in the bathroom and return to work feeling feeling. So long ago , but not so far away!

When Jim arrived for work ten minutes early he sensed a certain tension in the air. It kinda made him nervous so he went to the men's room and pulled out his flask. Four shots and he was at his desk. Jim got called into the bosses office two hours later. He froze when the cold voice over the p a told him to go to that office. Acid refluxed instantly in his stomach and he threw up into his trash can. His legs shook as he drew nearer to the office. Time seemed to slow down as his brain began to process data at a much higher rate , it was kinda like the bad acid trips he had before giveing up that drug. Guards parted to let him in like they knew he personally was comeing and expected him , this is bad , this is very bad he thought. HIs boss was not in the office , instead six armed guards with thier guns trained on him and two men he did not know but who wore the uniform of the Uglavarian high police , the c i a of Uglavaria. Jim nearly collasped where he stood.

"Sit down!" , yelled the officer , and Jim melted into the hard wooden chair. "Tell me Jim Monvac , is something buging you?"

"Gulp" , stated Jim Monvac.

"Let me introduce myself , I am officer Cold ConSheck of Uglavarian high police , the man beside is Helmshif Von Spinter , a underling of mine that does bug checks in sensitive areas. Seems to be a problem on this routine check ,Helmshif found this. The officer held out a baggie containing a familiar tiny speck. Jim turned completly pale. The guards moved in on him and he was too week to do anything but watch them. Rough hands gripped him and hoisted him up painfully. He was marched out of the office building as his co workers looked on. A police apc sytle vehicles was parked outside , Jim was thrown inside the cage and they were off. He wandered if the Americans were really going to free him , where were they before this went down? He had felt alone the whole time here in Uglavaria , but never as alone as now. Jim was taken to the notorous People's hospital , where the basement provided the state with torture devices. He had heard rumers of it now he saw it for real. Dried blood crusted here and there. Many tiny cells over looked the chamer. Jim was stripped naked and put in one. He was left there for sixteen hours in cold darkness , only a tiny red light above the far away stairway door gave any glow at all. He huddled in the corner the whole time , fear gnawing at him , he threw up twice. Then came the interview , Cold ConSheck and four burley assistants asked a long series of questions while burning him with cigerettes , probeing his with a biteing rat , sticking rusty needles under his fingernails and many slaps kicks and punches. This abusive routine followed for days , with new tortures thrown in daily to made it more excieing for ConSheck. Jim had told all he knew the first day. They were done with him after seven days of torture. He was then chained up and escorted out to another one of those Uglavarian police a p c's. They took him to a stage in the Uglafest area. He was forcebly led onto the stage as a man in a suit and tie annouched his crimes to the jeering crowd. Jim was strapped to a wooden table with blood stains al over it. Eighty feet above him was a heavy metal wedge with long spikes comeing from it. Jim screamed in terror when he saw it. The man asked for a volunteer from the audience to flick the switch. A father in the crowd had his seven year old daughter on his shoulders and the man choose her. She pulled the lever and released the wedge , as Jim screamed the thing impaled him and ripped him apart as it flattened the pieces.

the end

Cosmic vending machine

The cosmic vending machine whirled faster and faster as it passed between worlds, the blue fire surrounding it was as cold as light. It landed softly in the backyard of one Peter Satvom. Satvom discovered it the afternoon of the next day when he went outside to pee in his backyard. He froze there stareing in disbelief, how the fuck did it get there, he wandered. He had a six foot privacy fence, and the only way to the backyard was through his back door. He walked around it, it was lit up, but it had no plug in, apparantly it runs off batterys he assumed. Closer inspection made in realize that the writeing on it was in some other language, and the things inside the machine where really bizarre. toy insects, with colorfull spines hung from the hooks, a finger, looks just like a real human finger hung from another hook.

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