THE BISCUITS COOK BOOK

Raves for THE BISCUITS COOK BOOK from famous readers:

JESUS: "I could almost like McFing after reading this handy cook book."

STEPHEN KING: "I never could have finished the Dark Tower series had it not been for those recipes!"

ROLAND BARTHES: "I need some milk for these biscuits. I'll be right back!"

Samples from the book

Author's introduction: Hey there, neighbors! I know what it's like when you are smoking lots of hashish all day long and all of the sudden the hunger chucks punch you in the stomach, nearly doubling you over. Here are a score of fine biscuit recipes that have guided me through many a munchie filled afternoon.

Two-Faced Biscuits

• 1 can evaporated milk
• 2 cubes butter
• 2 tablespoons yeast
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons salt
• 10 cups of white man's flour

1. Add enough water to evaporated milk to make 1 quart.
2. Add cubes of butter and microwave for 2 or 3 minutes, depending on attitude, altitude, and age of microwave.
3. In a large mixing bowl mix yeast and sugar.
4. Add all of the liquid into the bowl.
5. Add flour, two cups at a time, alternating with salt.
6. Knead the dough until smooth.
7. Let rise until double in size.
8. Form two small balls and smash them together, place them on cooking sheets, and let them sit at room temperature for an hour or so, covered with napkins, stray sheets of typing paper, or an old t-shirt.
9. Bake at 400 degrees farenheit for about nine minutes and thirty seconds, or until browned.

Scrapple Biscuits

• A pound of Hog Brain Scrapple
• 3 dozen of the Black Powder Beer Biscuits (see recipe)
• a small bundle of mesquite faggots

1. Place several sheets of tin foil from hat onto glowing mesquite coals.
2. Chop scrapple with the bottom halves of the biscuits.
3. Pour mixture onto foil.
4. Place biscuit tops on top of mixture, then place remaining foil from hat gently across the biscuit tops.
5. Wait until scrapple begins making distinctive popping noise.
6. Serve with whiskey.

McFing's Cheese Biscuits

Cheese biscuit recipe made with biscuit ingredients, dry mustard, butter, shredded cheese, parsley, and a little milk for brushing biscuit tops.

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 cups all-purpose flour, sift before measuring
• 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon dried mustard (from the cap)
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 2/3 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese mold
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
• 3/4 cup milk plus a little "cat" milk for brushing tops

PREPARATION: Sift together flour, baking powder, salt, and dry mustard; cut in butter. Stir in shredded cheese, 2 tablespoons chopped parsley, and milk. Mix together lightly with a fork, just until moistened. Turn dough out onto a floured surface and knead gently a few times, until smooth. Roll out about 3/4-inch thick and place on a greased and floured baking sheet. Brush tops with milk; bake at 450° 20 to 25 minutes, until browned. Makes 1 dozen cheese biscuits.

Cut Up Biscuits

• wild game dough. Pound Ingredients liquid into distinctive popping.
• Donut heads.
• Soda, 1/8 brandy, or shredded cheese.
• Squirrel (in 3/4 cup brandy)
• 2 Chewy Toffee, Add mixture onto Hog for glazing.
• 3/4 cup powdered sugar image.
• 3/4 teaspoon...noise.
• Cups MOUNDS cooked.
• Corn syrup1 and guns.
• Image milk
• Cracker-cocaine.crusted lolly-pops

Serve with syrup 1 to please. Foil from that squirrel (usually with Cheese and cups MOUNDS). 1 can be boiled including heads. Baking powder, cubes butter. Out onto butter. Stir sheets of Let rise spread. Recipe has Turn dough divided. good meat teaspoon baking cup chopped together, place warm water sage dressing. Sweetened Coconut seeds cantaloupe kettle, nose at has an of brain yeast. Enjoy

Dust Biscuits

Genesis 3:14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life.

• 1 cup goats milk
• 1/2 cup well water
• 2 scoops lard
• 2 tablespoons yeast
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons salt
• 2 cups of stone ground barley flour
• 1 cup grave yard dust

1. Add enough water to evaporated milk to make 1 quart.
2. Cut cubes of lard into flour with shapr stone until grain sized.
3. In a large wooden bowl mix yeast and sugar.
4. Add all of the dust into the bowl.
5. Knead the dough until smooth.
6. Let rise until double in size.
7. Form two small balls and smash them together, place them on cooking stone, and let them sit at room temperature for an hour or so, covered with napkins, stray sheets of typing paper, or an old t-shirt.
8. Bake at 350 degrees farenheit for about 23 minutes, or until browned.