Saint Snuff
At four hundred and ninety, St. Snuff has been around for quite a while. He was ordained in Europe during the rule of a dark and ruthless warlord. He partied with the gnostics and the knights templar, and he even met Hassan-e-Sabbah at a wild party in the middle east. A bohemian who has seen endless counter cultures rise and fall, and the lasting effects they have left. Once when Snuff was a young man in his thirties, he saw three burned but partially readable pages of Faemblem of divstellatio. It is because of this glimpse that he is so long-lived.
After years of ignominy, Snuff was finally declared a Discordian Saint. Now, while deciding if something is up to Snuff or not, you should probably refer to him as St. Snuff, as in:
St. Snuff is patron of perfectionists, assassins, and tobacco enthusiasts. His influence is most directly felt while listening to music you can't stand. His number is 32 and his colour is phlegm.
Saint Snuff was not the first sentient being. But he will be the last standing.